Reciprocity
Girls night out is all good and fun for her, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay home and count the hours until she returns. If she gets to treat herself to a night out with the girls, then you damn well better treat yourself to a night out with the guys. As a matter of fact you might have to prove a point and one up your girl on her activities. If she’s going to the movies, you go to the club. She’s hanging out with the gay friend she affectionately calls her “g-hub,” you spend time with your ex. She’s going to the club, you hit up a bordello. Okay, that last one might be a bit excessive, but you understand what I mean. You don’t want to be that dude who stayed home only to find out your girl’s nickname in the streets is “Chupita.”
Don’t get tight, get loose
Gentlemen, if you’re walking down the street and hear whistling in your direction only to turn around and hear dudes saying, “Oh, my bad” when they realize that you’re a man, then it’s time to loosen up…your pants size. If people confuse your jeans with running tights that should be a clear sign that you’ve taken things too far — especially if you tend to pair them with open-toe sandals or flip-flops. The combination can lead to all kinds of problems and confusion. I know it’s “in style” to wear skinny hipster jeans that make your ass look like an oil painting, but come on, guy! It’s not cool to be arguing with your girl over who saw the last pair of Apple Bottom jeans on the rack first. On a related note, Uggs boots aren’t men’s boots. Period. Going to the bar in a V-neck t-shirt, skintight jeans with Uggs, you’re setting yourself up to be a hate crime victim.
The 2 threesome rules
Men, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to spice up your sex life with your partner, but should you both agree to experiment. Involving other people in your sexual affairs, there are two important things to consider. First, before you and the Mrs. venture into uncharted waters be clear that you’ll only set sail alongside boats with names like La Nina, La Pinta and La Santa Maria. Not the Admiral SS, USS Sampson or the Black Pearl because that’s not a threesome, that’s a train and the only place that train goes is to Davey Jones locker. Second and more importantly never, under any circumstances, ever have a threesome with the woman whom you’ve taken those vows with. Nothing will ruin a marriage faster than watching your better half share herself with someone else. You’ll never look at her the same and she’ll be under the impression that you’re cool with it as long as it’s a woman. Threesomes are strictly for girlfriends you don’t want to marry and jump-offs, not wifey.