7. The tongue is mightier than the sword.
When it comes to pleasuring women and conversing in the language of love, cunnilingus should be every man’s native tongue. Even porn star Ron Jeremy, in possession of the famous 10-inch member, observed, “More women have gotten off with my tongue than with my penis.” Once found, a skilled cunnilinguist rarely goes unappreciated. Not sure exactly how? Just press a flat, still tongue against her vulva and let her do the work. It’s the cunnilingus equivalent of letting her get on top. Unfortunately many men do not learn the true principles of cunnilingus or how to pleasure a woman at the outset, and so, even with the best intentions, their form is without substance. If we were to compare cunnilingus to another art — the martial arts — it would be Tai Chi. Unlike Kung Fu, Tai Chi is slow, focused and graceful, with an emphasis on the balance of yin/yang (male/female energy) to create a harmony of movement and strength. Artful cunnilingus involves many of the same principles as Tai Chi: stillness within movement, balance and pressure, resistance and key postures. In the Good in Bed Guide to Orally Pleasuring a Woman, we outline our approach to sexual Tai Chi, also called the Mount Method.
8. Show some sexual courtesy, as in “she comes first.”
Unlike men, women don’t reach a point of “orgasmic inevitability” — the moment when, even without further physical stimulation, a guy ventures past the point of no return. In fact, men and women are so different in this respect that many women claim to “lose” an orgasm just as they’re on the verge of having one, which can be particularly frustrating, especially if it occurs regularly. Guys need to pay attention to the journey through female arousal, particularly those final moments of potential orgasmic ecstasy. Recognize the visible signs of female arousal, mainly the muscular tension that develops throughout her body and that will ultimately demand release. Look especially for tension in the hands and feet and throughout her pelvic area.
9. Grab a vibrator off the shelf.
Make like Obi-Wan Kenobi with that thing. Wield it like a Jedi master and the force of the female orgasm will be with you. According to Nagoski most women orgasm easiest when using a vibrator. “The mechanical vibration provided by toys is more intense than anything a hand, phallus, tongue, fresh produce, or other organic stimulus can provide,” she writes. “More stimulation [leads to] more arousal [leads to] easier/faster orgasm.” Women generally take longer to orgasm than men and a lot of men find it hard to last long enough during sex. A vibrator helps you and your partner get at least halfway home, if not take you all the way. And as I discuss in my guide to Overcoming Premature Ejaculation, “With just a little bit of practice, a guy can take the pressure off of his penis and not worry about how long he’s going to last, but instead enjoy the immediacy of plugging into his partner’s arousal.”
10. Finally, don’t forget to cuddle.
To paraphrase the pioneering sexologist Theodore van de Velde, it’s in the moments after orgasm that a man proves whether or not he’s an “erotically civilized” adult.
Image credit- istockphoto.com/JamesBrey