Somewhere, a Latino man is wearing a T-shirt with
“Viva la Raza!”
emblazoned across the front. Elsewhere, a car windshield has a sticker that says
“100% Boricua!”
Nearby, a tattoo of the Dominican flag, in its colorful glory, is proudly displayed on the back of some dude’s left calf muscle. They are loud, they are proud, and we commend them for being that way. But do they know what they are proud of?
Tattoos are nice and logos are cool, but without some real knowledge, they are just trendy pop images — cue Che Guevara’s silhouette. As men it’s our responsibility to be knowledgeable about where we come from and to pass on that knowledge to the next generation. However, there is a lot out there — so what should we focus on? Here are five things every Latino man should know.
Where you come from – like, exactly where…
It’s one thing to say “Soy Chicano” or “I’m Mexican-American” and another to know that your family was actually here for hundreds of years and that they didn’t actually cross the border, the border crossed them. That’s some powerful stuff. For most of us though, knowing where your family came from might mean asking some older folks about the town they grew up in, when they came here and perhaps more importantly — why? You may be surprised about what it took for someone to uproot their family or go at it alone and start anew in a foreign land. The type of courage and struggle it would take is something you can use to motivate yourself during tough times. If abuelita can come to New York at 16 and work her fingers off in a factory to start a new life, I’m sure as hell going to do my best to finish this PowerPoint presentation. While you’re at it, it wouldn’t hurt to learn a bit about that country either. You don’t need to write a thesis, but if someone begins a conversation with “How do you think Ollanta Humala is doing?” you should be able to know that he’s the President of Peru and not a novela actor dancing on Mira Quien Baila.
Como “Mantenerse Bien!”
When I informally surveyed men I know for this piece, my buddy Ray, a lawyer told me,
“Every Latino man ‘debe mantenerse’ as my mother would say which includes ‘limpiar como dios manda’ y a cocinar!”
This means a guys’ gotta be able to hold his own around the house and the kitchen. Too many Latino men think that housework and cooking are for the women, and brother if you think that you are not only a caveman, you are wrong. First, have you met today’s Latina women? Many of them do not see their “place” as being in the kitchen and will promptly remind you of this if you suggest otherwise. The truth is fellas, having these skills is as liberating, as it is gratifying because you should never be with your +1 because you need someone to “take care” of you, but because you want that person in your life. If you are going to cook, you better know at least one dish from the home country. Some chuletas frita or bistec a lo pobre — get the idea? “You don’t have to be a chef,” says boxer/comic book/pop culture expert friend Sergio. “But at least be able to make a pot of arroz blanco.” A man who can cook, especially comida latina, is a rare, and valued gem. Jewels like that get polished more often.
How to Move Those Hips
Without a doubt, almost every Latino man who I asked for tips told me ‘you should know how to dance.’ It’s hilarious how Latino men, supposedly the most chauvinistic on the ethnic male-bravado scale, would say that dancing is a core skill. My mother used to tell me,
“A man who can dance will never be alone, on the dance floor or off.”
It’s true on both counts. Jason, a tech entrepreneur tells me, “It’s the best way to stay connected to your culture and keep your spirit alive — sea lo que sea, salsa, merengue, bachata, cumbia whatever.” There is nothing sexier to many women than a man who can keep a beat and move those caderas. On the flip side, NOT knowing can put you at a disadvantage. “Nothing’s worse than meeting a girl and not being able to dance some salsa,” says Freddy, a state trooper.
Hablar Español
The second most mentioned item men noted was learning Spanish (or Portuguese if you’re Brazilian). In all fairness, while knowing Spanish is important, we’re not sure mastering the language is a prerequisite. You don’t see too many Irish, Italians, or Midwestern Scandinavian descendants using their mother tongues as a cultural litmus test. This may be the hardest thing for Latinos to keep, as we get further along the generational divide. If, however, you can learn formal Spanish in school or in a class, or keep it up at home, that’s a privilege you should definitely take advantage of. While knowing slang can be helpful being truly bilingual is an asset that can serve you in the workforce and keep you connected to your culture. There are many books you can read in their original language that take on a whole new meaning. If you travel, you become the hero to your companions as you can speak to the locals and get the inside scoop of how to have some real fun. Finally, nothing says amor like whispering Spanish in your lover’s ear. They didn’t call it “Spanish” fly for nothing.
Keep Your Traditions
As you get older and have a family, traditions tend to become a lot more important. Sometimes you’ll have some from your family that you can pass on, but if not, don’t be afraid to create your own based on your cultural background. Growing up I never celebrated Three Kings Day (a tradition celebrated in Puerto Rico). Once I had kids, I decided that it was a tradition we would start in our family and it’s been a great one. So whether it is a cultural thing or a focus on some type of spirituality, Latino men do need to put effort into knowing something that’s “bigger” than they are. Family, community, country and religion are not topics that should be ignored because you are too “macho.” They need to be addressed and embraced. It will be your responsibility to pass these on to the next generation.
At the end of the day, there is no litmus test on how to “be Latino.” You just are. But to better understand who you are, there are certain things worth exploring. Your family history, your ability to take care of yourself, your bon-bon shaking, language skills and what you choose to be the center of your family life are all things to consider as you continue your journey through manhood.
