They say men are from Mars and women are from Venus. I would rather not use such a cliché to explain the complexities between the opposite sexes. Especially when you throw Latinos and Latinas into the mix; it raises the stakes in that department. Allow me to demonstrate. Let’s just say, for example, that men are from the Dominican Republic and women are from Puerto Rico. We both come from similar regions (in our case, the testicles and the uterus) and speak the same language. And though it is said that we don’t get along, we, as quisqueyanos y boricuas, always gravitate toward each other.
Still, our different and heavy accents and terminologies jar our attempts at communicating effectively. Women say one thing while men stare and wonder, “Que?”
Women repeat themselves and men misinterpret, but are either too confused or too intimidated to ask questions. And just like that, you have a Puerto Rican and Dominican War of the Roses!
Well, I much rather we get along; so I am here to bridge the communication gap. Caballeros welcome to the Latina Dictionary — more than words included!
Served with Sarcasm
Women can be very sarcastic when they communicate. But Latinas are usually sarcastic and passive aggressive! Blame it on growing up with “el que diran”; we are trained from a very young age to be polite, not make a scene and save face whenever possible. Take Elizabeth De La Cruz, a 31-year-old Dominican from Lawrence, Massachusetts who commonly uses the word “yep” to mask her anger. “My now ex ran into his ex while I was with him at a store,” De La Cruz said. “She hugged him and gave him a bunch of kisses on the cheek while I stood there,” she continued. “When the hood rat walked away he asked [me] ‘Are you all right?’ I pulled out the ‘yep’ and when we got home, I let him know how all right I really was about her smooching on his face!”
Another phrase to be aware of is,
“No, I’m not mad,”
if it’s said while she walks away briskly or doesn’t give you eye contact. Those subtle cues are a clear indication that you’re in trouble.
A Dose of Latina Pride
Latina women are proud. So it comes as no surprise that many of us struggle with asking for help or showing our hurt feelings. Christina Lopez, a 33-year-old Puerto Rican/French Canadian from New York City, admits to shrugging things off even when she cares.
“I usually say ‘I don’t mind’ which really means I do mind but don’t want to admit it.”
How about that for miscommunication!
Ana Lydia Monaco, a 40-year-old public relations rep from Los Angeles, can also relate to this style of expression. To her husband of a year, she often says, “I don’t need your help,” when what she really means is,
“I really want to be a woman and let a man be a man.”
So, when a woman gives you her blessing to go to a strip club or says she can handle the weight of her suitcase, really listen to what she is saying but also observe her body language as she’s saying it. Is she tense? Are her arms crossed? Did she roll her eyes or walk away when she answered you? These are non-verbal cues that express she is not happy with you or the situation. Another term to be aware of is,
“No, no, I’ll get it.”
You better help her with the trash or dig for that answer, or you are going to get it all right!
Fight for Me!
Just like in telenovelas, Latinas want a man to give it their all when the relationship is skittish. If we express dissatisfaction, we want you to hold us in a deep, passionate embrace, even when we hold our head up high. Peruvian chef Morena Escardó has utilized this tactic. When upset with a man, she is guilty of shouting, “Go if you want!”
But does she really mean it?
“It usually means I’m giving you the opportunity to show how much you love me by deciding to stay,”
she states.
“Sometimes though, it simply means you better not go.”
Again, it is all about body language — if she is tearing up and emotional she probably just wants that hug and for you to console her. Now, if she has anger in her eyes, that’s when “go” means “go.”
Other terms or phrases to be aware of are “Nothing” and “I’m okay.” Los Angeles native Stefanie Marie admits to getting into plenty of fights with a now ex-boyfriend when he didn’t realize how she felt. Whether it was about housecleaning or him not calling her back it always ended the same way. “The whole ‘I am sorry’ was always followed with me saying ‘I’m ok’ when I really wasn’t and clearly wasn’t,” Marie said.
“But being a man he’d stop trying to figure it out after a minute and I would sit there like, ‘You really don’t know that my actions are saying no, but I mean yes!’”
she continued.
“It was confusing to him. I just wanted him to show compassion and think for once.”
So, men, the moral of this miscommunication story is to listen to the women in your life. What she says may not be what she means, which is why you must know your woman — her quirks, her pet peeves, her likes and dislikes — and also stay tuned into her emotions. For those men who are still getting to know the women they are dating, watch her when she communicates. Non-verbal cues are just as telling, if not more, to what she’s really trying to say or doesn’t know how to. It’s either that or perpetuate the example above — that Dominicans and Puerto Ricans just can’t get along.