You’ve flirted with her, got the phone number, exchanged a few texts and then she makes the big reveal: she is a single mom!! This can indeed be a game changer and surely a challenge in making a potential relationship work. You see, when a relationship goes awry and there are children involved, mothers often take on the bulk of the parental responsibility. So you can imagine how challenging it is for single mothers to date. It isn’t easy for men who try to woo them; but it is possible. Keep some of these things in mind when dating a single mother.
Go With the Flow
Single mothers don’t have much time. Many of them have set schedules and have to – wait for it – get a babysitter just to hang out. Factor in that kids can randomly get sick or have an unanticipated parental need and plans are cancelled last minute. That’s why it’s
“crucial that men be flexible when dating a single mom,”
says Nydia, a 35-year-old single mother from New York City. But not all men get it. “There’s this guy who’s been wanting to ‘hang out’ for a while now. And he knows I have a kid,” Nydia said. “So, he’s always like ‘what are you doing’ and I’m all ‘I’m at home’ and he’s all ‘wanna come over’?” Of course she can’t, silly! She can’t drop everything and go! But he kept at it. “This Saturday, he texted me and I told him I wasn’t feeling well,” Nydia continued. “He said ‘you should come over. I have Advil.’ I responded “I have my kid.’”
Gentlemen should also view this as a positive. Any gal that has her head on straight will prioritize her child over a potential boyfriend – and a woman who has her priorities in order is what you should be striving for.
Meeting the Children of a Single Mom
When dating a single mom, being introduced to her kids is a huge step. Repeat – HUGE. That’s why it won’t happen instantly. Most single mothers want to vet their date before bringing them near their child(ren). You have to be responsible, kind and respectful. She has to feel that there is potential for commitment, not just a fun fling. So, when do you meet her kids if you’re worthy? Elizabeth, a 34-year-old divorcee and single mom from North Andover, MA, waits a minimum of six months. And that’s “only if the guy shows potential. My kids have only met two guys that I’ve dated in the past four years,” she shared. She, like other mothers, doesn’t want to confuse her kids or waste anyone’s time. Again gent’s this is a good thing. Do you really want to be with a woman who’s solely looking for an insta-Dad? Speaking of which…
You Met The Kid(s) But Don’t Be Their New Papi
You meet her kid(s) in due time and suddenly you feel like you have to be present and responsible for them, filling in the role of their father. Well, you don’t. Elizabeth shared that she had this exact experience with a former paramour. They eventually broke up because he got “cold feet” about a role he initially took on “I was like, WTF?!”
Elizabeth exclaimed.
“I never go into a relationship saying, ‘I’m looking for my kids new father.’ They have a father!”
Worse Things A Man Can Do
Lastly, caballeros, you have to be careful with what you say and do around these women who are, essentially already in a relationship – with their kids. The most crucial thing is to not lead the woman on. “If you don’t want to be in a stable relationship, be honest,” said Eli, 35, a mami of two boys from Lawrence, MA. “She may or may not have time for that.” Or as Angy, a single mama from the Bronx said bluntly: “Don’t play games!”
A quick cheat sheet on other mistakes to avoid:
- Curse, smoke or drink in excess around her children
- Discipline her kids
- Trash-talk their dad
- Don’t pressure her to introduce you to her child(ren).
- No booty calls! The kid may just be in the other room.
So, single men, take heed. Go on and date single moms with a new awareness. Remember: she’s a mom first. Respect her time and her children and you may woo her after all.