We live in a world where many of us hide behind screens, anonymous comments, e-mails and pictures of ourselves and our social circles. One of the scariest things to come out of the digital age is that is has made human behavior and connection nuanced at best, if non-existent at worst. Central to human connection and behavior is communication, or the lack there of. Enter the phenomenon of “ghosting”.
Ghosting is defined as when one individual disappears from another’s life indefinitely,
progressively and/or intermittently, but almost always done via technology. So, for example, if
a person you went on a few “great” dates doesn’t return your email, calls or texts disappears
without any notice or explanation, you have been ghosted. In the dating/relationship Tinder world we live in today, that may not be too important, but when ghosting occurs in the workplace it can be career altering.
Root Cause
At the heart of ghosting is avoidance, which really has to do with fear of being confrontational and not wanting, or knowing, how to be honest or communicate effectively. The person that has been ghosted is always going to perceive the ghost in a very negative light. Professional ghosting is no different. Ghosting in the workplace still involves avoiding difficult conversations and confrontation. It may be for fear of hurting someone’s feelings or being inept at communication your thoughts, needs or wants. Because employers know that the digital world has reduced the capacity to have optimal human interactions with one another in the work place, they are looking to employ, and keep, individuals that have exemplary soft skills (ability to listen, empathize, compromise) rather than the hard teachable skills (Excel savvy and mastery of different software systems).
Signs your being ghosted or are the ghost and how to fix it after the jump…
Your Being Ghosted When…
A sign that you are being ghosted at work is if there is chronic and systemic avoidance. As a
rule of thumb, though, if in good faith you have reached out to an individual a minimum of three times – preferably via email as it is documented – and there is no response you are probably being ghosted.
To combat the situation, it would be best that in the third email the subject be 3rd Notice – and start by a) stating the amount of times and dates you have reached out; b) empathizegently in case a personal matter is to blame and c) offer an ultimatum. For example,
Mike I have reached out to you twice during the past 2 weeks, April 1st and 10th, to discuss the pending project. I hope all is well with you and yours. I would like to get back on track and I know things happen but if I don’t hear from you in the next 3 days I think its best I follow up with your team leader.
Translation: I won’t be disrespected or played and I am prepared to move this forward.
What If You’re the Ghost
Your reputation in the workplace and your industry is what is going to open or close
doors for you. Ghosting someone can be seen as lacking integrity, having a low emotional
quotient, not being trustworthy, dishonest and flat out flaky. If you have professionally ghosted someone and you want to regain some respect the best thing to do is to run the situation bysomeone you trust and respect and process the situation with them and practice what you are
going to say/write. Simply start off by a) owning your wrong doing, b) apologizing for it, c)
offer a concrete solution and d) reiterate your commitment. For example,
Laura I have been neglectful in responding to your e-mails. I am in the wrong for this and I apologize for it. Can we set up a time to talk on blank, or when it’s convenient for you? I remain committed to seeing this initiative through.
Be mindful of other’s time and honor your commitments, or like a ghost you’ll be gone.