While we don’t know if Hillary will succeed in becoming the biggest boss out there, some of us already live with the reality of having a female boss. Whether you like her or not, she has the power to advance our careers, increase our earnings and improve our comfort or quality of life at work. Males and females are wired differently and as such lead and manage differently. Since machismo is so entrenched in our culture and often shows up in unconscious ways, it is critical that we be mindful of our challenging interactions with our female boss(es). Below are some practicable tips on how to best handle working for una jefa.
Mind Your Cultural Norms
Once I made the futile mistake of saying “Good morning, honey!” to my boss. Quickly realizing my mistake (and thinking of my money) humbled myself and apologized. We, as Latino men, tend to be charismatic individuals that like to touch and hug and punctuate our sentences with suggestive and sweet words. This works – with the women in our personal lives. This polarizing approach doesn’t go over well in cross-gender relationships that have a power and control dynamic. You have to be mindful and conscious of your behaviors and language at work and keep it at a professional level only. There’s too great of a risk that your boss may assume you’re getting too friendly or don’t respect her position if you refer to her with words like “sweetheart” or “querida.”
Learn Her (nonverbal) Language
Maintaining personal, professional and leadership development opportunities should always be a part of your growth and career advancement strategy. But the learning doesn’t end there. People’s behaviors, attitudes and language—what we call soft skills—are no doubt shaped by an individuals’ race, culture, class and gender experience. This also translates itself into the work place. As such, your duty as a subordinate is to study your female boss. Be intentional about assessing how she engages with other males and aware of their interactions. This will inform how you should model your interactions with her, relate to her and even approach her. Also, this will inform you on how she likes to be engaged. She’ll also appreciate that you took the time to get to know her non-verbal cues and are respecting her preferences.
Let Her Lead – Literally
Female bosses are very aware of their need to assert themselves to prove that they are equal to men in the work place, particularly with their subordinates. Because of the sensitivity and credibility factors that gender poses in the work place it is critical that disagreements, particularly in meetings, are not read as being combative. Instead lead with acknowledgment and validating statements. For example if you have differing opinions on a topic or project you can say, “With all due respect, I disagree with you and here is why,” or “I understand your position, but here is what I believe.” Neutralizing language presents an equalizing energy. It won’t sound like you’re “man-splaining” or being defensive about your position.
Address It
I once had a Latina boss that greeted me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek in private. But in public she was stern and non-emotive when speaking to me. I deemed her bipolar, because, why the contradictory behavior? Rather than continuing to make assumptions about her, I gently raised the topic and explained how I felt she was inconsistent with me. What I learned was that she wanted to connect by showing some authentic emotion towards me but she needed to guard her power when we were among other subordinates – men and women – of different races and cultures who would have assumed things about the friendly behavior. So go ahead and have that conversation, negotiate and gain clarity on how to relate to her. It will bring you much needed peace of mind.
Paraphrase Interactions Often
In the workplace men and women speak different languages. For example, a woman may more often say “I’m sorry” because she’s generally more empathetic and understanding (men think folks should suck it up). Women nod a lot when others speak to indicate that they are listening (not agreeing) and generally ask for advice because they value input, not because they are indecisive. To this end, actively paraphrase and kick back critical conversations to ensure you are both speaking the same language. For example, “To be clear what I heard you say is…..and what you need from me moving forward is….” or “what I got from this conversation is that I need to…” This will demonstrate that you are honoring her position, are putting the control back on her, creating a space for clarity.
Knowing how to work for a female boss is a necessary skill. Not only will you survive but you can thrive with these tools in hand. And if you surrender to this fact and man up to your reality you will be promoting gender equality and possibly, yourself.