Cinco De Mayo is a proud day for those of Mexican descent. It commemorates the day that Mexico’s militia unexpectedly made the French’s military forces fall back and retreat to the land of toast, wine and fries. In other words, Cinco De Mayo is Mexico’s day of celebrating some chancletasos handed out to some kids who just didn’t know who they were messing with.
In a day and age where misconceptions about cultural celebrations and traditions are all the rage, Cinco De Mayo went from being a badass holiday to just another “Latin thing” that white folks tend to have fun with and observe without even knowing the reason behind it.
Well it’s about to be that time of the year and it’s only right that ‘LLERO educate the uninitiated (i.e. white folks) on what the day represents and debunk what they might’ve thought it was all about. Please take notes to avoid public embarrassment.
It’s Not National Latino Day
Yes, we all share Brown Pride and are all brothers at arms, but just because it’s a holiday that’s pronounced in Spanish doesn’t mean all Latinos celebrate it. Just like all people of European descent don’t celebrate Assumption Day, but being that this list is even being made you’d think that they do. For the record, the only holiday all Latinos celebrate at the same time is the weekend.
It Doesn’t Commemorate The Day The First Latinos Migrated to the US
How in the world would we even know who the first Latinos to immigrate to the US were anyhow? It’s not like it’s scribbled on the walls of a Mayan pyramids. That said…
The Mayans Have Nothing To Do With Cinco De Mayo
Yes, Mayo and Mayan share the same first three letters, but that’s as far as their connection with each other goes. Although we sure hope they get that Son’s of Anarchy spin-off series they’ve been talking about!
It’s Not Independence Day
Talk about lumping all aliens together.
It’s Not the Latino New Year
Just because the Chinese New Year is also known as “Spring Festival” doesn’t mean “Cinco De Mayo” is another idiom for a Latino New Year that doesn’t exist. If we did have a Latino New Year we sure as hell wouldn’t have chosen the month of May for such an event. No, we would’ve chosen December and not because it’s the same month as Christmas and New Years, but because that’s the month that has the most days out of the year every year. Yeah, we be greedy like that. We don’t just want all of your precious farm worker positions; we want your favorite month too!
It’s More Than Just A Restaurant
Restaurants named Cinco De Mayo are just another example of restaurants being named after something Latino with a history that white folks wouldn’t be familiar with. Sort of like El Coyote Cafe, Chevy’s Fresh Mex, and El Pollo Loco (named after the greatest cockfighting chicken ever. But y’all wouldn’t know nothing about that).
It’s Not A Latino Brand of Mayonnaise
Though that wouldn’t be a bad idea. Get the Goya people on the phone ahora!
