I’ve been known to chase a man or two. It began in high school where I crushed on a classmate. We were friends. Good friends. So I set out on a mission: to pursue him so he’d see me as a mujer. Till this day I’ve pursued men much like men pursue women. I break the ice, flirt and ask for their number. I’ve also gone to the extreme. Like a dude on the corner who can’t let go when a woman ignores him, I’ve chased to the point of ridiculousness. Difference is I’ve never shouted, “Why you gotta be like that mami?” as they walk away. Yet, I am not alone in my pursuits, as many women have admitted to pursuing men when single. So guys, do you really want to know the how and why? Here’s what really happens when women chase men.
The Approach
How you approach a man can either impress them or send them diving into the open sea. Mary Molino, an actress from Chicago, is bold, yet slick in her approach. If she sees a man she wants, she won’t grunt, “I want you.” Instead, she asks to take a picture of him. Once the flash goes off, she asks, “What’s your number so I can text it to you?” If he takes the picture, she’ll tell him to text it to her. It’s an easy and shrewd way to get the digits.
Supriya, a jewelry designer from Malibu, has a more straightforward approach. “Years ago, I wrote down my number and told him, ‘this is for you to call me and take me to the restaurant we were talking about.’” Being direct, without making a man read between the lines, is sometimes the best approach.
The Reason
Mary says it’s just her personality. Liz, a licensed social worker from Boston, on the other hand, believes that pursuing a man comes with the new dating landscape. “Men are stepping back,” she notes.
“I think it stems from the concept of us being ‘independent women’ who go for what we want,”
she comments. “Men seem to think that if we want them, we’ll let them know.” So she does. The last time she pursued a man, however, stemmed not from the new rules of the game, but simply from her lack of patience. “Men are slow to react when it comes to love.”
How Men React
Liz has had pleasant reactions to her efforts. “Men are surprised, but most often it’s a welcomed surprise, especially since I come off shy.” However, Monique Ruffin, a sex writer for PurpleClover, doesn’t take the lead because she believes men react negatively. Instead, she says she’s “outspoken but not aggressive.” “I will make myself available by being flirty, sexy, and charming,” she expresses.
Monique may be on to something. Ani Deanna, a student from Los Angeles, has asked men out on dates, but none have become long-term relationships. “We go out but after a few dates the relationship doesn’t go anywhere,” she shared. Why?
“I don’t think guys like it when a girl chases them. It takes away from their masculinity,”
she believes. “Unless he’s very submissive, most guys are turned off when the girl takes on that manly role.” So, how does a woman pursuing a man impact a relationship? Supriya believes that “only confident, secure men can deal” with a woman who goes after what she desires. Ruffin, however, has an interesting take. “It’s not about femininity and masculinity. It’s not about gender roles. Some women are more aggressive and some men are more passive.”
In a nutshell, it comes down to personality. If a woman wants to go for it with a man, so be it. Just make sure to say “thank you” when she hollers.
Image credit- istockphoto.com/BDavidsonPhoto