`LLERO’s, we know you have all seen the viral videos of men going all hard-hat construction worker on the street to the females passing by. Thanks to the recent backlash against street harassment and piropos, some guys are hella confused as to how they should approach women. We can’t blame you.
You’re probably wondering, “How are we supposed to meet new women if we’re not allowed to speak to them in public?”
You’re probably thinking…“this is some bulls&^!”
I get that. While I absolutely hate it when strange men hiss at or blow kisses at me, I totally get that not all guys who approach women on the street are major creeps. Many of you are genuinely interested in getting to know the object of your attraction. That’s why I’m sharing what I believe are the best Do’s and Don’ts for approaching women in public.
DO – Note Your Surroundings
Fellas, there’s a time and a place for everything. If it’s dark outside and a woman’s alone, don’t even bother. Seriously Most mujeres aren’t going to want to talk to a stranger on a dark street or empty subway platform because, you know, some strangers be crazy. Your best bet is to stick to daylight hours preferably in public spaces like a gym, coffee shop or supermarket you both frequent. Repetition is key here guys. If she see’s you occasionally, you become more familiar, even if she doesn’t really know you yet. A causal “Hello, good morning!” in these instances can go a long way. But remember: if you see a cutie out past the witching hour and she’s walking alone, keep it moving. Chances are the time of day and location is not in your favor.
DO – Use your words
If and when you’ve established eye contact, follow up with a simple “Hello.” If she seems relaxed and is still looking at you, introduce yourself. Ask for her name. Ask what brings her here. If she seems receptive, thank her for stopping and let her know you’re aware she’s got places to be. Then tell her you’d like to talk to her at another time when you can both get to know one another. In doing so, you show that you respect her time, and that you’re genuinely interested in getting to know who she is. Whatever you do, do not hiss, psssst, or throw kisses at her. She’s not a dog and neither are you!
DO – Ask Questions and Listen
This is a tough one gents. It entails engaging in the lost art of conversation. No texting or Tindering here. If you do make it past the introduction pleasantries be sure to ask open-ended questions that will elicit more than a one-word response. Then listen to that response and seek ways to ask follow up questions, or share your opinions. This is conversing gentlemen. For example:
Guy – I see you’re reading the latest Junot Diaz book. I loved his last book. What do you think of it so far?
Girl – I’ve only just started it, so I can’t say yet, but it I like the way he sets the scene really early on.
Guy – How does he set it? Are the characters believable? I would love to compare notes after we’ve both read it.
Voila, you are now in a conversation.
DON’T – Reach Out and Touch Her
Grabbing, poking, tapping or touching a woman in any way is no bueno. I get that, in your mind, you’re just trying to get her attention. But in her mind you’re a random dude who just invaded her personal space. If you want to get her to notice you, put yourself in her line of vision—next to the restaurant menu she’s staring down or by the “shoe sale” sign on the corner she’s sure to notice. Next, make eye contact and smile. If she smiles back, you’re golden. If she looks away, she’s probably not interested in being approached. If you find that you’re unable to establish eye contact at all (or looks away in a panic), she may be actively avoiding your gaze. Take a hint.
DON’T – Use Canned Pickup Lines
Using a canned pick-up line is like tipping your pitches, telegraphing a punch…get the picture. It’s obvious, reeks of a lack of confidence and originality, and will often put her on the defensive. As noted above, a simple hello is better, observe your surroundings and mention them, such as how the train is always late at this station, the hot chocolate at the corner coffee shop is primo. Virtually anything is better than a canned line.
DON’T – Take It Personally
Listen, you can be the nicest guy in the world, but that doesn’t mean a woman you’re interested in is always going to want to talk to you. Maybe she’s having a rough day or perhaps she just wants to go to the store to pick up her double chocolate fudge ice cream without getting hit on. Also, remember that for all intents and purposes, you’re a stranger—she doesn’t know you! Whatever her reason for ignoring you is (not that she needs one) trust and believe it’s not about you. Just let it go. Your princesa or next heartbreaker may be just around the next corner.