Face it, not everything a man does in the bedroom is going to turn his woman on. Yet, wouldn’t you like to crawl inside the mind of a woman and learn exactly what those no, no’s are? Well, we asked women all across the nation what it is they absolutely hate in bed. Some are obvious, some not so much. But read on to find out those things that should be on the “Don’t” list and don’t say we didn’t warn you!
The Pounder
“I hate it when men pound you from behind like a piece of meat never caring whether you are enjoying the experience. So uncool.”
–Claudia, New York, 32
The Talker
“I hooked up with some dude once back in college and he wouldn’t shut up. I was trying to get my freak on, and this dude was offering up his entire history like it was a damn job interview. A few sweet words or naughty whispers are fine, but there’s no need to recite the Gettysburg address. There are far better ways for a man to use his tongue in bed. It was an epic waste of a good leg waxing!”
–Dionne, Baltimore, 27
The Glare
“Men who say, ‘look at me’ when they ejaculate. Noooo.”
–Leslie, 29
The Narrator
“Please don’t narrate your every move, or comment on every sensation. You get two or three ‘do-you-like-that’ before I dry up like a desert riverbed. Shut up and relax and just go for it.”
–Jess, Brooklyn, 31
Tongues Gone Wild
“I recently had an intimate experience that led me to NEVER EVER EVER want to have sex with a seriously hot, amazing, beautiful man. We kissed, if you could call it that. He was flicking the tip his tongue the entire time, like he was trying to impress me with what he might do with my clit, I guess? He had ZERO lip contact during the kiss as his mouth was also wide open the whole time. The bottom line for me was that he was intent on subliminally impressing me with what he could do that there was no real connection in his actions. Kissing without the use of lips is not allowed.”
–Isabelle, Miami, 35
Lobal Interruptus
“Absolutely hate for a man to lick or kiss my ears. Who wants to have wet ears or go deaf?”
–Catherine, San Francisco, 22
Communication FAIL
“Not. Following. Directions. Like, when I say, ‘a little lighter, faster, harder,’ move his hand, etc. and he complies for about ten seconds then goes RIGHT back to what he was doing before. Annoying!”
–Beverly, Chicago, 29
Too Considerate
Asking if I’m ‘too tired for sex.’ Very romantic. So romantic, in fact, I’m overwhelmed with desire… for sleep.
–Julia, Seattle, 35
Share the Love
“It pisses me off if he ignores my pleasure to get to his and then not getting mine at all.”
-Zoe, Santa Fe, 36
Cut the Crap
“Wanting a blowjob when not clean. I once went down on a guy and then came right back up because OMG I could smell poop. NOT O.K.!”
–Amy, Los Angeles, 34
Grounds for Divorce
I hate it when I can actually hear my husband saying the alphabet while he is giving me oral. Seriously dude, we have been together 4 years, you should be able to do this without having to say the letters out loud. Or even better without having to resort to using the alphabet at all!
–Kelli, Denver, 26