You’ve probably heard it from your ex-girlfriends, female BFFs and maybe even mami. Communication is key especially when approaching a fine lady. From the very first “hello,” women desire men who can articulate their feelings without shaky hands, uncomfortable grunts or sexist remarks. Why is this so important? Because a first impression is everything.
At first glance, a woman may be sipping on a margarita. In reality, she’s mentally jotting down your every word. She listens to your tone, even when seemingly unaffected. As you verbally expose yourself, she scrolls through her list of likes. A great communicator is at the top of that list.
Unfortunately, first conversation mistakes happen often, leaving men dateless, sulking in corners as they ponder, “Where did I go wrong?!” I’ll tell you where you went wrong in this very article. So let’s begin, shall we?
Coming On Too Strong
You see a girl at a bar, or squeezing melons in the fruit aisle of a grocery store, and rush in. Within seconds, you’ve asked for her name, her number and zodiac sign. You even offer to pay for her…divorce? This happened to Rosanna Rodriguez, a high school teacher from New York City, one night at a bar. She sipped her drink while waiting for a friend when an older man approached her. Spotting her wedding ring, he leered, “Your husband shouldn’t leave a pretty girl like you unattended.” Our happily married wife simply rolled her eyes, but he went further by saying “Divorce is expensive, but I’ll help you out.” Safe to say, it was an offer she quickly refused.
That is down right pushy! And pushy never gets the girl.
If you do come on too strong, there is a way to salvage the situation. Apologize and stop your interrogation. She may lighten up and accept your apology. That’s your cue to stop trying so hard and dazzle her with your personality.
Sexual Innuendos Are A No-No
Women hear cat calls on a daily basis, so the last thing we want is a man telling us how he’s going to rock our world. Jacque Rose Bent, a singer/songwriter from Portland, Oregon, also experienced something similar. “This guy grabbed a handful of my hair, looked wildly into my eyes, and said, ‘I want to pull your hair so bad.’”
How offensive!
Can you recover? The ladies I asked say no. If you’re disrespectful, you will never get past the first “hello.”
Money Doesn’t Talk
We, as women, understand financial struggle, but it doesn’t mean we want to discuss it at first sight. Stay away from lines like, “Wow, these drinks are expensive.” You will seem painfully frugal, and woman desire a man who can provide. As for how to get the girl, recover from your cheapo statement by saying that, though the price is preposterous, you believe in paying for good quality. On the other hand, don’t spew words of luxury, like Gucci, Louis Vuitton and Prada, just to impress. Braggarts aren’t usually welcome among our kind. To be on the safe side, just throw the money talk out the window!
Ex-Talk
You’re ex is the past, so why do you keep bringing her up in the present? We don’t want to hear how much you miss her and how she broke your heart. Cursing her name isn’t any better. But you can recover. A man I met was so angry about his last relationship; he recounted the breakup mere seconds into us meeting. Immediately, I told him I wasn’t interested. He then realized his mistake and apologized, and said the following:
I haven’t been with anyone since my ex. I forgot how to do this!
His honesty hit a chord. We went on a date the following week.
So, gentlemen, I hope to have eased the stress of approaching a fine lady. If you ever find yourself exhibiting these behaviors, remember that it’s not too late to make a change. Take a deep breath, be yourself, and try again. Because first impressions are everything.
Image credit- istockphoto.com/Ellen Marron