The first time I introduced a man to Mami, I flash backed to a scene from Meet the Parents. Greg Focker (Ben Stiller) was under attack by the strict and protective Jack Byrnes (Robert Dinero). Stiller’s character shook under the heat of the thermal light, as his future father-in-law began an interrogation. As I turned the knob of Mami’s door, my current boyfriend beside me, I pictured Mami on the other side, smacking a chancleta across her hand in preparation for her own interrogation. I imagined her preparing a sancocho spiked with truth serum.
“What are your intentions with mi hija?”
she’d yell in broken English, smacking him on the behind with said chancleta. He’d be in tears and I’d be mortified.
Fortunately, none of my fears came to pass. Mami adored Elijah, mostly because of how he carried himself and interacted with us. Though my Puerto Rican/Colombian boyfriend spoke very little Spanish, he tried. Mami noted his efforts, paid attention to his body language and tone of voice, as mothers and fathers do.
So, how can you make a good impression on your Latina (or non-Latina) girlfriend’s parents? Start with these pointers.
First Impressions Are Everything
Though they say not to judge a book by its cover, you, as “The Boyfriend,” will be judged harshly! This is why it’s crucial to look your best the first time you meet the parentals. Make sure your attire is clean and pressed. If you usually rock oversized pants, buy yourself a new pair that doesn’t expose your ass. Latino parents are all about el que diran, which is why looking presentable and minding your manners, is of the utmost importance. Juan Santiago, a 23-year-old Dominican bartender from New York City knows this well.
“Meeting the parents is almost like a job interview,”
Santiago says. When he met his Dominican girlfriend’s parents at her college graduation dinner, he made sure to be the best Juan he could be. “To be honest, my manners aren’t that great,” he admits. “But I put the napkin on my lap, made sure I used the right utensils and even pulled out her chair.”
So all my Latino men, put your best foot forward when it comes to your appearance and manners. Mind your “P’s and Q’s.” Get a haircut. Trim that facial hair. And please, leave the sneakers at home!
Find the Perfect Gift for both Parents
Before meeting mom and dad (or mami y papi) do your homework. It worked well for Victor Ramirez, a 25-year-old Dominican personal trainer from New York City. He made sure he knew the likes and dislikes of his Italian girlfriend’s parents. Though no longer together, he made a great first impression when he visited her parents’ house for a barbeque. Ramirez not only met the parentals but also the entire family! The first part of preparing to meet the parents is to pick out the perfect gift. “She told me they liked wine and so we [bought a bottle],” Ramirez says. “She picked out the wine because she knows her parents best,” he concludes. This tactic works since it shows you’re considerate and tried to learn about their likes and dislikes. As for his current girlfriend, it was a little different since she is Latina. “It was slightly easier but you still have to do some work,” Ramirez says. In this case, he decided to woo her mother with a bouquet of red roses.
Say Yes To Seconds
When it comes to eating, finishing a plate is a sign of respect to Latino parents; as is saying “yes” to seconds even if you’re about to burst. Most Latina mothers pride themselves on their cooking. Latino families celebrate life and blessings with food so you will as well. When Adayna Gonzalez’ fiancé met her mother, it was a culture shock and quite a scene. Her mate just so happened to meet Mama during her very own birthday celebration which meant the entire family was present. Needless to say, there was tons of food. So, how did he handle it? “Compared to typical Latino families, he eats small portions,” Gonzalez explains. “Then there was the difference in food.”
Still, he literally sucked it up, eating everything on his plate and went in for seconds.
“The best advice I can give is for the man to eat it and smile until they’re comfortable with the parents,”
she counsels. You may gain a few extra pounds, but it will be worth it when mami flashes you a winning smile. Just add 30 minutes on the treadmill.
Lost in Translation
Communicating effectively is at the heart of building a successful relationship with anyone, especially your paramour’s parents. But what if there’s a language barrier? Then try to communicate in their language, even if that means greeting them with a kiss on the cheek (Latinos are very affectionate) and a “Mucho gusto, señora.” Larissa Vasquez, a 26-year-old writer from New York City, believes this is how her African American boyfriend won over her Dominican mother.
“My boyfriend and my mom met when I enlisted him to help her move to a new apartment,”
Vasquez says. What did he do to impress her? “He told her he went to the Dominican Republic,” she recalls. “And my boyfriend pretends to know more Spanish than he does and says, ‘dique,’ all the time.”
Connecting is vital, no matter what the parents’ culture or primary language. A small hello, in whatever language they speak with a genuine, natural smile can go a long way.
Ultimately, all parents want their daughters to be in good hands. They want you, as “The Boyfriend,” to merge the new school with the old school, allowing their daughters to be the successful, happy and independent mujeres they raised. Her parents want you to show interest in her and her family, even if it means speaking in broken Spanish, bringing their favorite bottle of Italian wine or taking an extra bite of arroz con guandules. So, put your best foot forward, be genuine and show her parents you are the right man.
It’s either that or be hit with a chancleta.
Image credit- Universal Pictures and Dreamworks, LLC