We’re just a few days from the annual Puerto Rican Day Parade in New York City so you know what that means: Puerto Rican pride is going to be on full display! Flags are going to be hanging off of fire escapes and off dudes backs like Superman’s cape; cars will be honking; and the women will be flaunting all those curves that arroz con pollo begets.
So chances are you’re going to find yourself mesmerized by some of that Boricua beauty that had Puff Daddy whipped and making hits in the late 90’s, so ‘LLERO’s here to put you on to six things you’ll need to know before dating a Puerto Rican woman.
1. Jennifer Lopez Is A Goddess
While most could argue that J. Lo is good at many things but not particularly great at any one thing, don’t ever argue that point with a Puerto Rican woman unless you A. Have no interest in dating her or B. Want to breakup with her. It’s that real.
2. The Puerto Rican Day Parade Isn’t Just A Parade, It’s An Event
Yes, technically it’s one Sunday out of one month of the year, but the festivities begin days before the actual parade. Cookouts, block parties, club bashes, midnight cruises – it’s like All-Star Weekend for Puerto Ricans. Get familiar and learn how to properly indulge in it with her.
3. Marc Anthony Has The Voice Of An Angel
How’d you think he landed J. Lo? With his rugged good looks? Puerto Rican women swoon at the sound of this man’s voice like men yearn at the sight of his wife’s most famous asset. So if and when the mood strikes, be sure to have a Marc Anthony mix on your playlist if you want to have any chance at sealing the deal. Extra points and a get out of jail free card if you take her to a Marc Anthony concert.
4. Expect To Find Yourself At A Freestyle Concert Sooner Or Later
For you millennials who aren’t familiar with this genre of music, freestyle is dance music in it’s cheesiest form and it’s addictive. From “Take Me In Your Arms” to “Dream Boy/Dream Girl” you will find yourself in a musically induced euphoria of feelings only to end up going through withdrawal once you realize that this drug has been discontinued for decades now.
5. Puerto Ricans Are Not Illegal Aliens
Puerto Rico is an American commonwealth and therefore Puerto Ricans are citizens of the United States. So even if Donald Trump somehow became the next President of The United States and deported every undocumented immigrant in the US, rest assured that your Boricua beauty and her entire family will remain here to remind you that you’re not good enough for her. But then again, every Latino family will make you feel that way regardless so find comfort in that.
6. Respect The Dishes
Like every other Latino nationality, Puerto Rican’s take pride in their dishes, and with good reason. Puerto Rican cuisine is flavorful and sacred. That being said, don’t disrespect the pernil, question mofongo, speak ill of the gandules in the rice (don’t dare call them raisins) and you’d better participate in the pastele making process – even if its just cutting the string to tie them – a duty often delegated to beginners. And for God’s sake don’t try to impress her by attempting to cook a traditional Boricua dish on your state of the art induction countertop cooker. There’s just too much riding on that cooking coil and it’s not worth the gamble if you don’t know what you’re doing.
