January 19, 2022

3. Thou Shall Not Leave a Fallen Man Behind

If your comrade is too drunk to crawl, walk or even talk, that’s no excuse to leave him behind just so you can sow your oats in a foreign land. I don’t care if we’re talking about a carbon copy of a ’94 Daisy Fuentes or ’99 Jennifer Lopez (90’s celebrity women were superior to 00’s), there is no excuse for letting a brother at arms fend for himself while incapacitated just so you can get your swirl on. Golden Rule goes into total effect here. Hold your right hand man down as you’d want him to hold you as the other hand that it washes… or something to that effect. Just don’t be a selfish d*ck.

4. Thou Shall Not Covet Thy Homie’s Wifey, Bare Witness of His Indiscretions to to Steal Her Away or Overshare

Sure, your friend has a girlfriend he doesn’t deserve or she’s destined to be with you, but she’s with him — look, let nature run it’s course. If she finds her way to you, more power to the kid, but don’t be the chicken wing man, purposely hooking your “friend” up with women, taking pics, gathering evidence, and presenting them to his girl so you can scoop her up on the rebound. Going on trips with ulterior motives is punishable by exile or even death in some barrios.

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